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What Happens If Your Mother (Not Your Favorite Reality Star) Has Plastic Surgery?

Saturday, February 6th, 2010

Delia Ephron

Delia Ephron

Screenwriter, Playwright, Author

Posted: February 3, 2010 01:13 PM in HuffingtonPost.com

I haven’t been watching many reality shows lately because of the crying. There is simply too much of it. Last season on Project Runway, Christopher cried because he was sure that he was the only person in the world who would design a dress inspired by a rock (something I am sure he is wrong about). I have no idea how much crying there is on The Hills, since I was never a fan, but it did catch my attention in People magazine that Heidi Montag, star of the show, cried after she had ten plastic surgery procedures in one day. Heidi, I know from a quick Google search, is 23, although since her plastic surgery she looks 33. Which is actually something to cry about.

I have been interested in and done research on this subject spun slightly different: What happens if your mother (not your favorite reality star) has plastic surgery? This is the subject of my new novel for teenagers, The Girl with the Mermaid Hair.

If, as a teenager, you spend hours in front of a mirror deciding, say, whether one nostril is larger than the other or worrying whether your breasts point in different directions (typical teenage obsessing), do you outgrow this madness or make more radical choices if your mother comes home with larger lips, a smaller ass, a new chin, a different nose, bigger breasts? How do you feel if your mom suddenly doesn’t have any expression in her face? Or if you look into your mother’s eyes and no one is home?

Your main job as a teenager is to learn to love yourself. How can you do this if your mother hates herself?

In my research, what was so startling was how aware all the teenage girls were of their mother’s fear, or, more accurately, their hatred, of aging. One girl said, “Every time I wrinkle my forehead, my mother points it out and tells me not to. Even if I’m in the middle of a really important conversation.” Another spoke about “competitive dieting” with her mom, how she couldn’t help but engage in it even though she thought her mother’s obsession with fat was “crazy.” There is a study out this week from the Girl Scouts of the USA telling us what we already know, which is that the fashion industry and its use of ultra-thin models is making teenage girls too obsessed with being skinny, and distorting their body image. In my more limited unscientific research, the mothers are as strong an influence. Going on shopping trips with mom, usually a bonding experience, became all about hearing moms moan about their fat and rolls. Or seeing your mother trying on something, look in the mirror and say, “”I look ugly.”

I have vivid memories of my own adolescence when the main purpose of shop windows was not to see the clothes in them but my own reflection, when hours could be spent in front of a mirror deciding if my eyebrows matched. Emotionally, teen life is no different today, but now you can act on your own insecurities. You can fix them.

A lot of healthy acting out occurs in the mirror, as my research showed. Singing and dancing and even telling off people who hurt your feelings or trying on new identities. But there was also a lot of obsessing about body image. One girl got dressed using four mirrors, running from one to the next: one had good indoor lighting, one was a “skinny” mirror, one had natural light, one she could get the closest to. “If something is wrong with you,” a teenage girl said, “the mirror magnifies it.” Another said, “If I think something’s wrong with me, like my thighs are too fat, when I look in the mirror that’s all I see.”

God knows, I am not advocating growing old naturally, just to remember what a tender fragile time adolescence is. In my research, one teenage girl confided, “Seeing my mother after her surgery scared me to death.” We need our moms to be stable and secure. I have so many friends who will tell me with surprise, when looking at photos of themselves when they were younger, “Hey, I was really cute. I didn’t realize it.” No one does. You have to get older to realize it. Imagine if you got older and realized that you’d destroyed your younger self. You had operated it away.

Now that’s something to cry about.
Books & More From Delia Ephron
Frannie in Pieces (Laura Geringer B…
The Girl with the Mermaid Hair

Check out Anne’s Giveaway!

Friday, December 19th, 2008

My Gift to You…A Holiday Giveaway!

Picture 4
Enter to Win My Holiday
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Enter to Win:
A Large Dog Lover’s Gift Pack:
2 Note Pads Poodle & Mixed Breeds + Border Collie Ornament
A Small Dog Lover’s Gift Pack:
Mixed Breed Notepad + Magnet
A Mounted Ready To Hang Laminated Print
Little Sweetie Black & White Dog
6 Pack of Mixed Canine Holiday Cards & A Magnet!

A $100 value (shipping is on Me)!

HWW joins Obama for magical results

Friday, November 7th, 2008

We pinned one of our Obama buttons onto \

‘i want my mommy!’

Monday, October 27th, 2008

Normally, this phrase is a desperate cry, often through tears, in times of frustration, sadness, fear, disappointment. From a little kid.

Now, it’s often a soft internal utterance. Just stating a fact. From the part of me who will always be your daughter. From the little me for whom you will always be ‘my mommy.’

When I want to ask you a question about something that happened, that no one else would know, to clarify my memories, I want my mommy.

When I feel a new appreciation for something you did or who you were, when I want to thank you, I want my mommy.

When I want to share, mother-to-mother, I want my mommy.

When my son does or says something I am proud about,  I want my mommy.

When I see the late autumn day sun illuminating wildly colored leaves, I want my mommy.

When I realize no one has critiqued the recording on my answering machine, I want my mommy.

When I want to revisit a conversation we had 45 years ago, I want my mommy.

I know, I know. I can speak to her. I can hear her. She is alive in me, certainly. In a way.

Still, I want to see her make a goofy face, hear her sing quietly to my son as he falls asleep. I want to hold her hand and play with it during services, hear her talk in funny dialects and watch her laugh till the tears come.  I want to see her (my) feet. I want to smell her skin, smooth her eyebrow with my finger, to give her head a scratch and scratch that same place on her back under the bra strap, to love her.

Still, I want to give you happiness. Make you happy. See you being happy. Give you love. Love you. Lay with my head in your lap, your hand stroking my hair. Get your love.  That unique, uplifting, universe-filling, life-saving love I always got, could only get, from You and Dad.

I want my mommy. I want my mommy. I want my mommy.

Now, Kids give PEACE a chance.

Tuesday, June 3rd, 2008

BEN in PEACE
Finally, PEACE tees are here for EVERYBODY. Short sleeves in sizes for men, women & kids. For as long as we can remember, what we’ve been praying for. PEACE often comes at a great price, if it comes at all. Now it can be yours for just 25 bucks. ($20 for kids!) Only at hardworkingwoman.com.

Smile, please.

Wednesday, September 19th, 2007

I’ve been thinking about this for months. When I make a conscious effort to smile at everyone I see, there are great results. Even the grumpiest faces smile back. And seem transformed. Then, I feel great. It generates positive energy. And if one or two people are uplifted, so is the world.

So, this post officially kicks off the HardWorking Woman Smile Initiative. The idea is to consciously smile at everyone we see. Especially the ones you don’t want to smile at! (Then the payoff is even greater.) Whether it’s people we know or not, walking by or driving by. In the grocery aisle or on the sidewalk.

And, in honor of the initiative, HWW presents a new tee shirt:

Check it out in the HWW store.

And, from me to you:  :)

Finding safety in going it alone

Monday, September 17th, 2007

After becoming her own boss, she wouldn’t have it any other way

For Blagica Stefanovski, job security meant becoming her own boss. Photo: Erik Unger

Losing her Web development job during the 2001 dot-com bust left Blagica Stefanovski broke, rattled and convinced she’d done something wrong. It took her four months to land a new job and a few more to rebuild her finances — and her confidence. After three years working in Orbitz LLC’s online marketing department and another year at coupon site Cool Savings, she decided the only way to control her career was to be on her own.

So in September 2005, she founded Bsolutions, an Internet consulting company, with $10,000 in savings and a Rolodex of business contacts. For the first year, she had 10 clients, including Restaurants.com, for whom she helped create and manage affiliate marketing partnerships. In affiliate marketing, a revenue-sharing system, Web site owners set up links to other sites and get a small percentage of the sales made by consumers who use the links.

Her affiliate marketing experience led to another business idea born out of her own financial frustration. While riding in a cab with her best friend last summer, Ms. Stefanovski, 31, complained that the assessments in her new South Loop condo had gone up 40% in two years. “What if condo associations had Web sites that used affiliate marketing to earn money from online purchases to offset expenses?” she wondered.

“I didn’t sit around thinking, ‘What’s the next big idea?’ ” she says. “The best ideas come from an immediate need and what you know best.”

OKAY TO BE FEARLESS

With that, she scaled down her consulting work and invested $30,000 of her savings to start CondoPerks, which offers condo associations free Web sites that their residents can use to shop at more than 150 stores, including Target, Macy’s and Nordstrom. The associations earn up to 24% of the sale or a flat fee per purchase, depending on the retailer. Ms. Stefanovski earns a percentage of each sale, though she won’t disclose how much.

Since the site launched in May, she’s signed up 24 condo associations with 1,000 units. She recently added associations in Michigan and Washington, D.C., that heard about CondoPerks through word of mouth and blog mentions. Philip Orlandi, president of a condo board in Printers Row, was sold on the idea immediately after learning about it through a neighborhood association. He saw it as a way to offset the building’s regular operating costs. Plus, Mr. Orlandi, an avid Peapod shopper, knew he’d use the site: The online grocery shopping and delivery service is one of the retailers on CondoPerks.

“It brings a sense of community to the building, that we’re all trying to do something to help,” says Mr. Orlandi, who contacted Ms. Stefanovski in July to set up his association’s site. The association hasn’t tallied how much money it’s earned from resident shopping, but Mr. Orlandi expects more to use it as they get comfortable with the concept.

CondoPerks isn’t making a profit yet, but Ms. Stefanovski is confident her long hours will pay off. She plans to have 50 associations by the holiday shopping season, which she expects to be her big break. This was the perfect time to do this, she says, before she gets married or has kids. “Women need to be more fearless,” she says. “It’s okay to be fearless when you’re in your 20s.”

A Shoe That Fits So Many Souls

Friday, August 17th, 2007

 

 

For each pair of Toms sold, the company gives one away to a child in need
By NADIA MUSTAFA

Blake Mycoskie wanted to get away from it all. After founding and running four businesses and losing by a sliver on The Amazing Race, he escaped last January to Argentina, where he learned to sail, dance the tango and play competitive polo. He also visited impoverished villages where few, if any, children had shoes. “I was sitting on a field on a farm one day, and I had an epiphany,” says Mycoskie, who had taken to wearing alpargatas–resilient, lightweight slip-on shoes with a breathable canvas top and soft leather insole traditionally worn by Argentine workers. “I said, I’m going to start a shoe company, and for every pair I sell, I’m going to give one pair to a kid in need.”

He spent the next two months meeting with shoe- and fabricmakers in Argentina and named his self-financed company Toms: Shoes for Tomorrow. He modeled his product after the alpargata but used brighter colors and different materials. “No one looked twice at alpargatas, but I thought they had a really cool style,” says Mycoskie, 30. “I’m a fan of Vans, but they can be clunky and sweaty. These aren’t. They fit your foot like a glove but are sturdy enough for a hike, the beach or the city.”

A Texan who religiously reads biographies of the likes of Sam Walton, Ted Turner and Richard Branson yet ends his e-mail messages, “DISCLAIMER: you will not win the rat race wearing Toms,” Mycoskie had never worked in fashion. With a staff of seven full-time employees (including former Trovata designer John Whitledge), six sales reps and eight interns, he debuted a collection last June of 15 styles for men and women, as well as limited-edition artist versions. They quickly found their way into stores like American Rag and Fred Segal in Los Angeles, where Toms is based, and Scoop in New York City. By the fall he had sold 10,000 pairs, averaging $38 each, online and in 40 stores.

So, as promised, he returned to Argentina in October with a couple of dozen volunteers to give away 10,000 pairs of Toms shoes along 2,200 miles of countryside. “I always thought I’d spend the first half of my life making money and the second half giving it away,” says Mycoskie, who calls himself not ceo but chief shoe giver. “I never thought I could do both at the same time.”

Not that he’s turning a profit. “Selling online has allowed us to grow pretty rapidly, but we’re not going to make as much as another shoe company, and the margins are definitely lower,” he admits. “But what we do helps us get publicity. Lots of companies give a percentage of their revenue to charity, but we can’t find anyone who matches one for one.”

Toms already has orders from 300 stores, including Nordstrom, Urban Outfitters and Bloomingdale’s, for 41,000 pairs from its spring and summer collections, and it will be entering Australia, Japan, Canada, Spain and France this summer. The company will introduce a line of children’s shoes called Tiny Toms in May and will unveil a pair of leather shoes in the fall.

Mycoskie is planning a second shoe drop in Argentina later this year, with more to follow in Africa and Asia. He says 240 customers have told him they would pay to volunteer on shoe drops, so next year he hopes to launch a company offering $2,000 vacations consisting of two days of sightseeing and four days of volunteering. “All these other businesses and deals have been preparing me for this,” he says. “I believe Toms is going to give away millions of shoes one day.”

from my friend Jane

Monday, May 7th, 2007

from my friend Jane
Sunday, May 6th, 2007
I was out walking with my 4-year-old daughter. She picked up
something
off the ground and started to put it in her mouth. I took the item away
from her and I asked her not to do that.
“Why?” my daughter asked.
“Because it’s been laying outside, you don’t know where it’s been,
it’s dirty and probably has germs” I replied.
At this point, my daughter looked at me with total admiration and asked,
“Wow! How do you know all this stuff?”
“Uh,” …I was thinking quickly, ??* All moms know this stuff. It’s
the Mommy Test. You have to know it, or they don’t let you be a Mommy.”
We walked along in silence for 2 or 3 minutes, but she was evidently pondering this new information.
“OH…I get it!” she beamed, “So if you don’t pass the test you have to
be the daddy.”
“Exactly” I replied back with a big smile on my face and joy in my
heart.
When you’re finished laughing, send this to a Mom.

Posted in Uncategorized | Edit | 1 Comment »

from my friend Jane

Sunday, May 6th, 2007

I was out walking with my 4-year-old daughter. She picked up
something
off the ground and started to put it in her mouth. I took the item away
from her and I asked her not to do that.
“Why?” my daughter asked.
“Because it’s been laying outside, you don’t know where it’s been,
it’s dirty and probably has germs” I replied.
At this point, my daughter looked at me with total admiration and asked,
“Wow! How do you know all this stuff?”
“Uh,” …I was thinking quickly, ??* All moms know this stuff. It’s
the Mommy Test. You have to know it, or they don’t let you be a Mommy.”
We walked along in silence for 2 or 3 minutes, but she was evidently pondering this new information.
“OH…I get it!” she beamed, “So if you don’t pass the test you have to
be the daddy.”
“Exactly” I replied back with a big smile on my face and joy in my
heart.
When you’re finished laughing, send this to a Mom.