Archive for the ‘inspiration’ Category

What Happens If Your Mother (Not Your Favorite Reality Star) Has Plastic Surgery?

Saturday, February 6th, 2010

Delia Ephron

Delia Ephron

Screenwriter, Playwright, Author

Posted: February 3, 2010 01:13 PM in HuffingtonPost.com

I haven’t been watching many reality shows lately because of the crying. There is simply too much of it. Last season on Project Runway, Christopher cried because he was sure that he was the only person in the world who would design a dress inspired by a rock (something I am sure he is wrong about). I have no idea how much crying there is on The Hills, since I was never a fan, but it did catch my attention in People magazine that Heidi Montag, star of the show, cried after she had ten plastic surgery procedures in one day. Heidi, I know from a quick Google search, is 23, although since her plastic surgery she looks 33. Which is actually something to cry about.

I have been interested in and done research on this subject spun slightly different: What happens if your mother (not your favorite reality star) has plastic surgery? This is the subject of my new novel for teenagers, The Girl with the Mermaid Hair.

If, as a teenager, you spend hours in front of a mirror deciding, say, whether one nostril is larger than the other or worrying whether your breasts point in different directions (typical teenage obsessing), do you outgrow this madness or make more radical choices if your mother comes home with larger lips, a smaller ass, a new chin, a different nose, bigger breasts? How do you feel if your mom suddenly doesn’t have any expression in her face? Or if you look into your mother’s eyes and no one is home?

Your main job as a teenager is to learn to love yourself. How can you do this if your mother hates herself?

In my research, what was so startling was how aware all the teenage girls were of their mother’s fear, or, more accurately, their hatred, of aging. One girl said, “Every time I wrinkle my forehead, my mother points it out and tells me not to. Even if I’m in the middle of a really important conversation.” Another spoke about “competitive dieting” with her mom, how she couldn’t help but engage in it even though she thought her mother’s obsession with fat was “crazy.” There is a study out this week from the Girl Scouts of the USA telling us what we already know, which is that the fashion industry and its use of ultra-thin models is making teenage girls too obsessed with being skinny, and distorting their body image. In my more limited unscientific research, the mothers are as strong an influence. Going on shopping trips with mom, usually a bonding experience, became all about hearing moms moan about their fat and rolls. Or seeing your mother trying on something, look in the mirror and say, “”I look ugly.”

I have vivid memories of my own adolescence when the main purpose of shop windows was not to see the clothes in them but my own reflection, when hours could be spent in front of a mirror deciding if my eyebrows matched. Emotionally, teen life is no different today, but now you can act on your own insecurities. You can fix them.

A lot of healthy acting out occurs in the mirror, as my research showed. Singing and dancing and even telling off people who hurt your feelings or trying on new identities. But there was also a lot of obsessing about body image. One girl got dressed using four mirrors, running from one to the next: one had good indoor lighting, one was a “skinny” mirror, one had natural light, one she could get the closest to. “If something is wrong with you,” a teenage girl said, “the mirror magnifies it.” Another said, “If I think something’s wrong with me, like my thighs are too fat, when I look in the mirror that’s all I see.”

God knows, I am not advocating growing old naturally, just to remember what a tender fragile time adolescence is. In my research, one teenage girl confided, “Seeing my mother after her surgery scared me to death.” We need our moms to be stable and secure. I have so many friends who will tell me with surprise, when looking at photos of themselves when they were younger, “Hey, I was really cute. I didn’t realize it.” No one does. You have to get older to realize it. Imagine if you got older and realized that you’d destroyed your younger self. You had operated it away.

Now that’s something to cry about.
Books & More From Delia Ephron
Frannie in Pieces (Laura Geringer B…
The Girl with the Mermaid Hair

Autumn: I Hate this part

Friday, October 23rd, 2009

IMG_1787This Fall has been the most gorgeous I can remember, her colors the most brilliant and varied. Wednesday (two days ago) the sun shone brightly, increasing the vividness. It was warm, almost balmy, with an autumnal breeze.
Then the inevitable happened. Yesterday, the big fat wind came, accompanied by wet cold. The leaves fell like flakes in a blizzard, leaving trees half bare and swaying.
Thank Goodness I was out in that glorious day, sucking it in like and athlete’s breath! Thank goodness I didn’t put it off even one day.
Life’s like that, isn’t it? It’s NOW. Here for the taking, living, loving.
‘Not a dress rehearsal’ as my dad used to say.
So- though the fleeting beauty brings with it, for me, a wistful sadness, I embrace it! Yes, I hate this part. And thank Goodness for each and every (gorgeous) day.

CONGRATULATIONS, GROOVY GIRLS!

Tuesday, June 3rd, 2008

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YOU GO, LADIES! Thanks for wearing WALKS THE WALKS tees, we’re so proud!

THE FOLLOWING is by TEAM CAPTAIN, LAURA RUSSO:

Imagine a woman…..

2 days and 40 miles. That’s right.
A group of good friends are working toward a common cause. Breast cancer effects all of us.
This past year has been my personal toughest. In Oct. 2006 my Mom was told her breast cancer had effected her bone marrow. All the years of chemo and radiation had altered her bone marrow and she was developing what looked like Leukemia. This was the first time she had to take a long term leave from work. She began staying with me more and more and that was an adjustment for everyone. I also ways told my Mom through all the ups and downs “Let me know when to worry” Well it was time to worry. We made the most of it. She had good friends come visit. She and another good friend were able to squeeze in a quick visit to the famous Mirival Spa between treatments. We went to a water park with all the grandkids. The main focus was lots of time with the family. Slowly her energy drained and she required more frequent treatments to maintain daily activities. She always could snuggle with the grandkids for a movie or story time. When she decided to stop treatment we all agreed with her decision. Luckily she did not suffer in the end and she died with the people she loved most around her on Aug. 5, 2007. Since then it has been a period of adjustment for all of us. The roller coaster continues. My goal with this walk to let her know that people are still fighting her amazing fight. Putting one foot in front of the other, just as she had to for so long. Another lesson I learned from her is the need to surround yourself with good people. Friends and family is what gets you through so thank you everyone. Thanks to the friends that listen to me then and now when I’m having a rough day. Thanks to the neighbors that pitched in with the kids when I had to run Mom to doctors appointments and when those appointments were no more. For those doing the walk with me, bring tissue, and for those donating, thank you. It really does take a village.
Laura

congrats to you all:

Laura Russo

Erin Ader

Jill Casey

Teresa Macdonald

Kathleen Pisterzi

Katie Pomroy

and THANKS!

Amie Russo

PEACE in Iraq

Wednesday, April 16th, 2008

HardWorkingWoman is proud and excited to announce this imminent situation. How do we know, when even the New York Times hasn’t a clue?

Because it is HWW, and our friend Ryan Nix, who is getting it there. That’s right– sending PEACE to Sergeant Kent Vaughn of the 101st from Fort Campbell, KY, serving our Country on his second tour in Iraq.He has two children, Bailey 7 and Emma 4.

Here’s what PEACE looks like- in Iraq or anywhere.

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We’re sending our Prayers along with the shirt.

Hurdles, and how to overcome them

Monday, September 17th, 2007

Balancing money, life and other matters

Teresa Ging, a former stock analyst and owner of Sugar Bliss Cake Boutique. Her initial request for a loan was turned down, but she’s now weighing three offers. Photo: Callie Lipkin

Their ranks may be growing, but young women entrepreneurs still face the challenges their predecessors faced, plus others because of their age. Here’s how they’ve handling them. Access to capital

Teresa Ging spent six years as a stock analyst on Wall Street before deciding to open Sugar Bliss Cake Boutique in the Loop this fall. She has a strong financial background, owns a condo and maintains a good credit history. So she was shocked when she was turned down for a small bank loan.

“The issue was I’m single,” says Ms. Ging, 29.

Although it’s illegal to ask a woman about her marital status, the loan officer indicated Ms. Ging’s lack of a second income was a problem.

“I was astonished,” she says. “If I was a man and had less credit history and was asking for a bigger loan, didn’t have a 401(k) or personal property, this would not have been an issue.”

She wrote a letter to the loan officer’s boss, who apologized profusely. The bank put together an attractive offer. She’s now deciding between that and two others, says Ms. Ging, who declined to name the bank because she doesn’t want to jeopardize their potential relationship.

Her experience is not unique. Venture capitalists and angel investors sometimes shy away from women in their childbearing years for fear their businesses will founder as their families take precedence. As a result, most women end up self-funding their startups with savings or through friends and family, experts say.

The best way to get funding from anyone is to have a solid business plan. Women can take advantage of resources like the Women’s Business Development Center, where counselors help women with business plans and loan applications. And, like Ms. Ging, they should cry foul at blatant discrimination.

“I encourage women not to tolerate it,” she says.

Lack of credit history and collateral

Banks often have good reason to deny loans to young entrepreneurs. They may have bad credit history or no credit history at all because they’re so young.

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Entrepreneurs need to realize it may take a while to build up that credit by demonstrating responsible financial management. They should limit themselves to only charging necessities onto one credit card, and paying off the balance monthly. Student loans must be repaid diligently. And before applying for a loan, they should check their credit scores through services like TransUnion, Equifax or Experian to uncover and fix any mistakes in their credit histories. Aiming low

Female students often are more likely to succumb to self-doubt than their male classmates, says Scott Whitaker, associate director of the entrepreneurship center at Northwestern University’s Kellogg School of Management. Women who wowed professors and won competitions for business ideas choose corporate jobs instead of entrepreneurship. Or they decide to start a small company with no growth plan instead of setting their sights much higher.

“We see that and discourage that thinking,” he says.

Although women-owned firms make up 28% of U.S. companies, they account for only 6.5% of employment and 4.2% of total receipts, according to the Small Business Administration. Part of the reason is 85% of women-owned companies are in retail and service sectors — lower-growth industries.

Managing growth

Women tend to be more risk-averse than men and less inclined to extend themselves financially.

One reason Kim Kleeman, 33, left her teaching job in 2003 to start Shakespeare Squared, a business writing and developing educational materials, was to spend more time with her children. She was pregnant with her second child and figured working at home would provide a better lifestyle.

But after her third child, she found herself trying to shush crying babies while on the phone with clients and waking in the middle of the night to a beeping fax machine. A-year-and-a-half ago, she moved to an office to keep her sanity.

It was an intimidating move involving $4,000 in overhead. So beforehand, she e-mailed editors at large publishers to introduce herself. Once she had eight projects lined up, she took the leap. She borrowed $5,500 from her father to cover the first month’s payroll for her two employees and planned to use extra office space as a tutoring center if it came to that. But, as new projects kept pouring in, it didn’t.

Now Ms. Kleeman has a 5,200-square-foot office, 20 employees and more than $2 million in revenue. And she found space across the street from her house, so she can get to a school play or home for dinner in minutes.

Work-life balance

Krista Kaur Meyers, who owns two women’s clothing boutiques on Southport Avenue, took only 10 days of maternity leave after each of her two children was born because work was so consuming.

She could work from home or bring the babies with her to the stores, Krista K Boutique and Krista K Maternity & Baby. But the challenge of balancing work and family continues.

Hiring trustworthy store managers has been the key, says Ms. Meyers, 35. She leaves them in charge after 5 p.m. so she can have dinner with her family, even if that means working until 11 p.m. after putting the kids to bed. Her husband rearranges his work schedule to make sure he’s home when she needs to travel for buying trips, and they both commit to as many weekends together as possible.

©2007 by Crain Communications Inc.