Archive for the ‘Multitasking’ Category

“Trailblazing Sniff Patrol”

Sunday, February 22nd, 2009

It was just about 7 a.m.- and we were OFF.

It had snowed about 4-5″ and we were the only ones around, beside the snowplows.  Needless to say we were ALL positively ebullient: there was enough snow so the 3 kids were forced to do their bunny imitations. As lorra applied science to create a successful leash management strategy, the kids insisted on RUNNING, all with giant smiles on their open-mouthed faces. We were the first out after only the street plow, so when we got to the foot path along Riverwoods Road we were forging a new trail. Bravely. Lots of conversing: “o, is there something good to smell there? let me, let me!” and ‘if YOU’RE gonna pee there, I’M gonna pee there…”– stuff like that.

Meanwhile, between managing the leashes and the ankle deep snow, lorra was joyfully engaged, waving at anyone who drove by. (Again, mostly snowplowers.) She was particularly impressed by Penny, who was as energetic as the others, and as incessant. In addition to the heavier load she carries, she had the biggest, baddest snowballs around her feet and ankles. She found them annoying, but she didn’t let them stop her!

After several blocks our tracks joined some others; from a dog and person who’d gotten there first. We went quite far, until lorra felt going any further (farther?) might have meant having to carry someone at least part of the way home. There was quite a bit of running on the return.

Then came the good part.

With a fresh bowl of water in placed the garage, the 3 were let off leash while lorra shoveled the driveway in the coming-down snow. So many decisions to make! Barking and chasing the lead edge of the shovel, or scream-barking at Dixie, the golden barking back from her end of the cul-du-sac, or barking at the snow plow (back again to redo the street), or just running like crazy together thru the yard? So so so fun. for everyone. for about an hour! But we weren’t done yet.

Next stop- laundry room. Where each doggie got his/her own time in the sink to melt off those annoying snowberries with comforting warm water. Followed by a long, cuddle-massage in a giant towel. And some blowdrier on the warm, gentle setting. Penny couldn’t get enough of this part. Winnie was concerned about Penny’s safety, being attached by the roaring drier, until Winnie got her own dose and understand that it was okay.

Afterward, ‘This’s livin’  could be heard, murmured softly in 3 distinct voices. Exhausted, they are each breathing deeply as they lie at my feet, eyes closed, smiling.



‘i want my mommy!’

Monday, October 27th, 2008

Normally, this phrase is a desperate cry, often through tears, in times of frustration, sadness, fear, disappointment. From a little kid.

Now, it’s often a soft internal utterance. Just stating a fact. From the part of me who will always be your daughter. From the little me for whom you will always be ‘my mommy.’

When I want to ask you a question about something that happened, that no one else would know, to clarify my memories, I want my mommy.

When I feel a new appreciation for something you did or who you were, when I want to thank you, I want my mommy.

When I want to share, mother-to-mother, I want my mommy.

When my son does or says something I am proud about,  I want my mommy.

When I see the late autumn day sun illuminating wildly colored leaves, I want my mommy.

When I realize no one has critiqued the recording on my answering machine, I want my mommy.

When I want to revisit a conversation we had 45 years ago, I want my mommy.

I know, I know. I can speak to her. I can hear her. She is alive in me, certainly. In a way.

Still, I want to see her make a goofy face, hear her sing quietly to my son as he falls asleep. I want to hold her hand and play with it during services, hear her talk in funny dialects and watch her laugh till the tears come.  I want to see her (my) feet. I want to smell her skin, smooth her eyebrow with my finger, to give her head a scratch and scratch that same place on her back under the bra strap, to love her.

Still, I want to give you happiness. Make you happy. See you being happy. Give you love. Love you. Lay with my head in your lap, your hand stroking my hair. Get your love.  That unique, uplifting, universe-filling, life-saving love I always got, could only get, from You and Dad.

I want my mommy. I want my mommy. I want my mommy.

Shaunna Russell: HardWorking Woman!

Sunday, October 12th, 2008

Shaunna Russell: She\'s Amazing, Gracie! Submitted by: jennmarie russell

Shaunna Russell
Why she deserves to be celebrated as a hard working woman: Shaunna is a mother of 2, a wife, a minister, a full time cook for a catering company.  She never has time for herself.  She is always thinking of others.  She takes kids to camp in the summer and teaches them how to cook in her so called spare time.  She is the absolute hardest working woman I know.  She never just has down time.  When she does have time to do anything else, its spending time with her wonderful family and remodeling her beautiful house.  Shaunna deserves to be recognized as a hard working woman, as she is the epitome of what that actually means.

THANKS, Shauna, for all you do.

Love, HardWorking Woman

Litter games, trash talk

Monday, September 8th, 2008

I like to play games with myself while I’m doing other things. For example, while I’m walking Zippy, holding the leash (and the recyclable plastic bag) in one hand, I gather litter with the other. Not just any litter, of course. I have rules: nobody else’s um, dog-poo-bag, no used tissue (icky germs). Other than that, it’s just what I can pick up and carry with my one free hand. Of course there are the challenges of arranging the items to fit the most possible, etc. The goal is to gather as much as possible, or totally clean up my path, whichever comes first. I actually have fun doing this. Perhaps it indicates my need ‘to get a life,’ but as far as fun goes, I’ll take it wherever I can get it.

Another trash game I have has become a ritual. It’s when I’m on the golf course. When I see a little piece of litter (again, NOT including used tissue) I pick it up and stuff it into my golf bag. Here’s the good part: that one teeny act insures that my next shot will be a good one!! It’s the karma effect. I mean, one gum wrapper is not going to turn me into an Anna (Sorenstam), but if I’m on the karmic line between making a great shot or a poor one— having just done a good golf deed makes a big difference.

Hurdles, and how to overcome them

Monday, September 17th, 2007

Balancing money, life and other matters

Teresa Ging, a former stock analyst and owner of Sugar Bliss Cake Boutique. Her initial request for a loan was turned down, but she’s now weighing three offers. Photo: Callie Lipkin

Their ranks may be growing, but young women entrepreneurs still face the challenges their predecessors faced, plus others because of their age. Here’s how they’ve handling them. Access to capital

Teresa Ging spent six years as a stock analyst on Wall Street before deciding to open Sugar Bliss Cake Boutique in the Loop this fall. She has a strong financial background, owns a condo and maintains a good credit history. So she was shocked when she was turned down for a small bank loan.

“The issue was I’m single,” says Ms. Ging, 29.

Although it’s illegal to ask a woman about her marital status, the loan officer indicated Ms. Ging’s lack of a second income was a problem.

“I was astonished,” she says. “If I was a man and had less credit history and was asking for a bigger loan, didn’t have a 401(k) or personal property, this would not have been an issue.”

She wrote a letter to the loan officer’s boss, who apologized profusely. The bank put together an attractive offer. She’s now deciding between that and two others, says Ms. Ging, who declined to name the bank because she doesn’t want to jeopardize their potential relationship.

Her experience is not unique. Venture capitalists and angel investors sometimes shy away from women in their childbearing years for fear their businesses will founder as their families take precedence. As a result, most women end up self-funding their startups with savings or through friends and family, experts say.

The best way to get funding from anyone is to have a solid business plan. Women can take advantage of resources like the Women’s Business Development Center, where counselors help women with business plans and loan applications. And, like Ms. Ging, they should cry foul at blatant discrimination.

“I encourage women not to tolerate it,” she says.

Lack of credit history and collateral

Banks often have good reason to deny loans to young entrepreneurs. They may have bad credit history or no credit history at all because they’re so young.

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Entrepreneurs need to realize it may take a while to build up that credit by demonstrating responsible financial management. They should limit themselves to only charging necessities onto one credit card, and paying off the balance monthly. Student loans must be repaid diligently. And before applying for a loan, they should check their credit scores through services like TransUnion, Equifax or Experian to uncover and fix any mistakes in their credit histories. Aiming low

Female students often are more likely to succumb to self-doubt than their male classmates, says Scott Whitaker, associate director of the entrepreneurship center at Northwestern University’s Kellogg School of Management. Women who wowed professors and won competitions for business ideas choose corporate jobs instead of entrepreneurship. Or they decide to start a small company with no growth plan instead of setting their sights much higher.

“We see that and discourage that thinking,” he says.

Although women-owned firms make up 28% of U.S. companies, they account for only 6.5% of employment and 4.2% of total receipts, according to the Small Business Administration. Part of the reason is 85% of women-owned companies are in retail and service sectors — lower-growth industries.

Managing growth

Women tend to be more risk-averse than men and less inclined to extend themselves financially.

One reason Kim Kleeman, 33, left her teaching job in 2003 to start Shakespeare Squared, a business writing and developing educational materials, was to spend more time with her children. She was pregnant with her second child and figured working at home would provide a better lifestyle.

But after her third child, she found herself trying to shush crying babies while on the phone with clients and waking in the middle of the night to a beeping fax machine. A-year-and-a-half ago, she moved to an office to keep her sanity.

It was an intimidating move involving $4,000 in overhead. So beforehand, she e-mailed editors at large publishers to introduce herself. Once she had eight projects lined up, she took the leap. She borrowed $5,500 from her father to cover the first month’s payroll for her two employees and planned to use extra office space as a tutoring center if it came to that. But, as new projects kept pouring in, it didn’t.

Now Ms. Kleeman has a 5,200-square-foot office, 20 employees and more than $2 million in revenue. And she found space across the street from her house, so she can get to a school play or home for dinner in minutes.

Work-life balance

Krista Kaur Meyers, who owns two women’s clothing boutiques on Southport Avenue, took only 10 days of maternity leave after each of her two children was born because work was so consuming.

She could work from home or bring the babies with her to the stores, Krista K Boutique and Krista K Maternity & Baby. But the challenge of balancing work and family continues.

Hiring trustworthy store managers has been the key, says Ms. Meyers, 35. She leaves them in charge after 5 p.m. so she can have dinner with her family, even if that means working until 11 p.m. after putting the kids to bed. Her husband rearranges his work schedule to make sure he’s home when she needs to travel for buying trips, and they both commit to as many weekends together as possible.

©2007 by Crain Communications Inc.

am i working?

Saturday, July 21st, 2007

Work vs. Play
sounds like a face off. or a competition. at least, two opposites? mutually exclusive opponents?
Work=hard, gotta, have to, what one does so, and before, she can play? wouldn’t do it if i didn’t have to? Not play. Big.
Play=effortless, fun, want to, what you do after work is done. not work. Little. Inconsequencial.
It is said ‘play is the work of children.’
When does that change? when mom starts making you clean your room? Is sharing-your-toys your first job?
At school, they sneak work in. In those earliest years, ya think it’s all play. You don’t even realize you are learning. Then the learning becomes more formalized. and, for some, less fun. Work.
Some people are lucky enough to love their jobs. ‘I can’t believe i get paid for doing this’ they say. Some would rather work than play.
Sometimes work looks like play. Like taking little ones to the park. Someone elses’s little ones. for some, pushing little Jenny on the swing is work. Or, just on some days it feels like work. but not on others.
If it feels like work is it work?
Golf is a game. People work on their game. Is practicing a sport work?
Momming. some days it’s work, others not. some hours, some moments it’s the very hardest work.
work (wûrk)n.
1. Physical or mental effort or activity directed toward the production or accomplishment of something.
v.intr.
1. To exert oneself physically or mentally in order to do, make, or accomplish something.
Hmm. when you put it that way, work sounds pretty darn good. and fun. it could include knitting a sweater or baking a cake. not just balancing the checkbook or writing an expense report. it could be telling a joke– making someone smile. It could be giving a hug.
2.a. A job; employment: looking for work.
b. A trade, profession, or other means of livelihood.
npw, there are jobs and there are….jobs. there’s taking out the garbage and making a pot of tea. There is researching to find a cure for cancer.work, in fact, can be important or trivial, joyful or painful, of one choosing or something one has to do. it can bring many rewards, including a paycheck. but it doesn’t have to. it can feel like nothing comes of it. work can be noble. righteous. or at least make the worker feel that way.
sometimes work, or play, is more a state of mind than anything. the same activity can be work for one and play for another. or at different times, for the same person.

another definition:3.a. Something that one is doing, making, or performing, especially as an occupation or undertaking; a duty or task: begin the day’s work.
like taking a bath? locking up before going to bed?

here’s a good one: 4a. The part of a day devoted to an occupation or undertaking: met her after work.
b. One’s place of employment: Should I call you at home or at work?
what is someone’s ‘occupation or undertaking’ is not limited to a particulat part of the day? what if her place(s) of employment include “at home.’ (hence the hww tee shirt: 9->5=24/7)
ON THE OTHER HAND—
play (pl)
v. played, play·ing, plays
v.intr.
1. To occupy oneself in amusement, sport, or other recreation: children playing with toys.
Ah. so, for it to be play it has to be recreation? as opposed to the accomplishment of something? Can one work and play at the same time? what is play for one is work for another?

Then, there is just ‘what we do.’ No matter what label is put on it. productive, somehow, even if for our own heart, or soul. Profound or trivial. all worth celebrating during this short life, while we have it.

DESPERATELY SEEKING LORI

Tuesday, June 5th, 2007

TIME Magazine    Monday, Oct. 14, 1996

Swing voters hold a nation’s secrets. Sometimes they are important because of what they tell us about an election. But when the race isn’t even close, they are important because of what they tell us about ourselves.

Thirty years ago, the crucial voter was a white, male factory worker–urban, ethnic, patriotic–who ripened into a Reagan Democrat and started swinging the White House to the G.O.P. But in 1996 the archetype has changed: she is a suburban, conservative, Midwestern working mother, 35 years old, earns her age, finished high school, maybe some college. Between 1992 and 1996 she has swung more dramatically than any other voter; 20% of this group voted for Clinton last time; he’s pulling 52% now.

And yet the lives of the voters who are deciding this race can’t be read in the numbers. In some ways it matters less how much they earn than how many kids they have, less how they voted in the past than how they feel about the future, less where they live than how they manage.

In the morning they strap the baby into the high chair with a handful of Cheerios on the tray, then stay alert for the sound of his choking while they take a two-minute shower. They consider a week at their in-laws’ a vacation and joke that they live at the Target store. They drive a big car not because they haul a lot of lumber but because it gives them a fleeting sense of control. Everything changes when they become parents–when life gets both richer and harder, and everything becomes a trade-off, and the self is no longer the center, and the future is no longer possible to ignore.

The campaigns are tracking this voter so closely that they can measure the “persuadability” of her neighborhood, block by treelined block. Millions have already been spent hunting for her, with an intensity matched only by her immunity to the whole effort. Campaign consultants are stalking her, the conventions were staged for her, the speeches scripted for her, the ads aimed right at her. And because she is so different from the swing voter who shaped this nation for a generation, she has miniaturized its politics into a kitchen-table bargaining session over what it might take to help her get through the day.

From there, the candidates draft the playbooks. Clinton signs a bill guaranteeing new mothers 48 hours in the hospital, one last chance to catch her breath, a last night’s sleep, courtesy of the President of the United States. It’s hard to find any money to put away for college, so Dole offers a deduction for student loans and a $500 tax credit per child. Mom can’t be there screening what the kids watch on TV every minute, so here’s a V chip. It is not the craft of politics, it’s the art of coping.

To trace this political transformation, TIME set out to find a woman who could tell the story of this election by telling the story of her life. Lori Lucas lives in Shrewsbury, Missouri, an undecided voter in a bellwether town in the ultimate swing state. She is not just an archetype; she’s a revelation, a spirited wreck of political contradiction. She’s an unmarried mom who thinks the country is on the wrong track because the family unit has broken down. She drives a gas-guzzling station wagon because it’s safe but worries so much about the environment that she collects cans at work to recycle at home and uses the same plastic-foam Diet Pepsi cup for a week. She doesn’t believe in God, but believes in the Ten Commandments because “I know they’re the right thing to do.” And while she doesn’t have time for newspapers or TV network news, she intends to do what she always does before presidential elections: head to the local library two weeks before the vote. “I pull out two weeks of newspapers and read about the issues,” she says. “But I probably won’t make a decision until I’m in the voting booth.”

Her politics are complicated, but her dreams are not. “What I think about is my baby being safe when he is grown up. I don’t want him to have to fight in a war. I don’t want there to be a depression. I don’t want us to be without money.” She is not in control of her life, but she is in control of this election.

“The single most important thing that has changed the lives of these women is the birth of a child.” –Mark Penn, Clinton’s pollster

Lori is in the kitchen cooking dinner: chicken baked in mushroom soup and soy sauce, and fresh broccoli. At all costs, she will find a way for her little family to eat meals together, to glue their life in place. She has a wide-open face, with eager eyes, a tangy huskiness in her voice and a fast, shy smile. She is 35, but for as far back as she can remember, people have called her kid.

Lori bought her house in Shrewsbury five years ago, and is slowly replacing all the old single-pane windows. The hilly neighborhood has a virtually all-white population of about 7,000, with an average household income of $52,537. Lori’s is a street of $79,000 starter homes that people stay in for 30 years, brick bungalows with metal awnings and a ribbon of lawn that skips from house to house. For years the mainline Forest Park patriarchs of St. Louis looked down on the German immigrants who settled this south side because they were forever washing those neat cement porches and tight little windows. They called them the Scrubby Dutch. Policeman Harvey Laux lives across the street from Lori. He figures there has been one burglary in the 17 years he has lived here.

Sam is in his high chair, eating whatever pasta he is not wearing. Sam’s dad Mike, 30, is out shopping for tomorrow night’s dinner. He and Lori had been dating for three years before he moved in, when Lori got pregnant. When the baby was born last September, they named him after Sam Malone, Mike’s favorite character on Cheers. Lori’s heart hasn’t been the same since. Neither has her life. “I used to be a list maker,” she says, and then she smiles at herself. “And now I don’t even have time to make lists.”

Her family is tighter, her friendships looser than ever before. Her idea of leisure is a nap on Saturday afternoon. She stopped getting the St. Louis Post-Dispatch–she subscribed mainly for the coupons and TV listings–because “Sam would get the ink all over him if we had the paper here.” The news in general, and the presidential campaign in particular, is barely background noise. She voted for Bush in 1988 because her father did, but everything about her life has become more independent since then. She voted for Ross Perot in 1992 because he seemed as detached from politics as she was. Now she’s completely undecided, more available to Clinton than to Dole, but there has been no time to dwell on a decision that she thinks will have so little effect on her. She doesn’t need a pollster to tell her that this is her own personal paradigm shift. “I used to have total control over my life,” she says. “Some nights I could scream and cry and have a nervous breakdown.”

She was 33 when Sam was conceived. “I was happy and amazed that it happened.” He was not really planned, since she and Mike weren’t married, not really intending to marry, though they now plan to. Like just about everything else in her life, marriage is on her running, imaginary to-do list, somewhere after spending about $600 next week on a new toilet and towel racks for the bathroom, and before seeing Stonehenge. But this time, after two failed marriages, she wants to do it right.

“I never had a nice wedding. The first time I wore Mom’s dress. I was a dumb kid; I just wanted to get out of the house. The second time I fell crazy in love. We lived together for a few years, got married when I was 25, divorced at 30.” He drank too much, she says, and he couldn’t have children. “That wasn’t the reason we split–but it was a reason not to work at the marriage anymore.” Her father used to tell her that the only reason to get married was to have a family. “Now for once I’m not married, and I have a happy family.”

Sam is helping her unload the dishwasher, which means most of the knives and forks wind up on the floor. She has been thinking about change. “The week before Sam was born, I washed every piece of clothing there was, including what I was wearing,” she recalls. “That was the last time the laundry was caught up.”

“They’d love to have more time to spend with their families. More time to teach them the values they don’t think they get at day care. No matter how well you pick the day-care center, you’re still not there.” –Tony Fabrizio, Dole’s pollster

“Just getting out of the house in the mornings–it’s terrible.” Some days Lori wakes up and thinks of what is coming and suspects it may not turn out to be such a great day. Those are the mornings she really needs her shower, not to get clean but to get psyched for the day. “Because sometimes it seems like everyone else’s mood kind of depends on mine. If you’re in a foul mood, you get the crabbiness right back. So when I wake up that way–well, it’s a shower thing. It’s the only time I really have to myself.”

Just about every day begins with a quiet, dreaded question: whether Mike or Lori will drive Sam to Lori’s mother’s house for the day. She gets a knot in her stomach thinking about it, hoping to avoid a fight. Mike says he ends up doing it about half the time, though he complains about how much gas the 20-minute trip uses up. They rarely kiss each other goodbye in the morning. There’s no time. Lori is usually out of the house by 7:30 and at work by 8. She skips breakfast but sips a Diet Pepsi and buys some peanut-butter crackers at Mr. Gas on the way.

Lori’s mom Doris echoes what Dole tells women: they should work only if they want to, a 1950s notion that defies the economy of the 1990s. “If I had my choice, both of my daughters would stay home,” says Doris. She reared her five children while her husband Ed worked for 27 years at Sears. But she realizes Lori has little choice, so she thought about what matters to her most, and then made a decision about her own life that makes all the difference in Lori’s.

Five months before Sam was born, Lori went to the state bureau of child care in St. Louis and studied its records for several local day-care centers. She chose one just a few moments from her job, so she could slip over and nurse her baby at lunchtime. It cost $152 a week. Doris would go to the center in the afternoons and stay for hours. And very soon she had seen enough. “The room was too small and was crammed with cribs,” she recalls. “The workers sneezed into their hands and then wouldn’t wash them.”

Before long, Doris had made up her mind. She would watch Sam during the day, while Lori worked, along with her daughter Barbara’s children two days a week. “I knew it would make me tired,” Doris says. “But what’s more important than my grandson?” She won’t take any money from her daughters, although she buys most of the grandchildren’s clothes and has turned her tidy home into a day-care center.

Doris worries about everyone. She worries about her mother, 93 and suffering from Alzheimer’s in a nursing home, whom she now has less time to visit; she worries about the stress in her children’s lives. “I worry that Lori works so much. But I know she can’t help it.” What does Ed worry about? “I worry about Doris.”

“You need to look at the positive forces in their lives, the great possibility there. Obviously they still have concerns, but more than anything, there are grounds for affirmation.” –Don Baer, White House communications director

“Welcome to our midday family meal,” Lori says, as she sits in her office at Rudivani Precision Motorworks, the car-repair shop she manages in Webster Groves. The two mechanics are eating take-out sandwiches; Lori is eating a hamburger and returning phone calls in her little office. Propped up in the corner is a framed poster called 21 Suggestions for Success. The top four: “Marry the right person. This one decision will determine 90% of your happiness or misery. Work at something you enjoy, and that’s worthy of your time and talent. Give people more than they expect, and do it cheerfully. Become the most positive and enthusiastic person you know.” Her boss Rudi Cavataio found the poster at Target and couldn’t resist, but Lori hasn’t had time to hang it up yet. “Maybe sometime I’ll succeed in getting that success sign up,” she jokes.

Lori comes to work in clean white Reeboks, then changes into the greasy pair she keeps under her desk. She arrives early and stays late, managing the shop, working the phones, soothing the customers, ordering parts, keeping the books, making haircut appointments for the mechanics, test-driving all the cars. “She makes things happen,” says Cavataio. “She’s allowed the business to grow.” Grow so fast, in fact, that they have been fighting the city to let them keep more cars on their cluttered lot than the city fathers would like. “I guess we didn’t understand the politics of it all,” Lori says.

But she does now. She and Cavataio are seeking a new conditional-use permit, a battle that constitutes her baptism in politics. She has been pounding the pavement, knocking on doors, getting petitions signed. She makes no distinction between Democrat and Republican meddling. “They have no right telling us how to run our business,” she says. “The only way for us to keep the number of cars down is to turn customers away.”

Lori grew up in a house with five sets of encyclopedias. She was an A student into her sophomore year in high school, thought she would go to college, maybe become a teacher, until she fell in with a fast crowd, smoked a lot of pot and let her grades fall. But she was always a hard worker. At 13 she lied about her age to get her first job, at the snack bar of the local swimming pool. After high school she worked as a bookkeeper at a car-parts store, but she was fired, she says, because she didn’t dress up enough. There was a reason for that. When she did wear a skirt, the boss had a habit of trying to put his hands up under it.

She got a job at European Car Parts and spent 15 years there, starting at $5.25 an hour and eventually making $35,000 a year. But the job was boring, and the predominantly male shop didn’t seem understanding about her pregnancy and how everything was different now. When she went back to work after Sam was born, she quickly jumped at Cavataio’s offer to go to RPM, as long as he would match her salary. She started three weeks later, and has barely taken a lunch break since. “I care about what’s going on here,” she says. “I want it to be just right. I want everyone to be happy. I’ve always operated like it was my business.”

“A male voter says, ‘I’m getting taxed to death. I’m not making enough.’ It’s very cut and dried. With female voters, we hear, ‘I’m working harder, but we’re not getting ahead, and I don’t have time to do everything I need to do.’ Politics is much more contextual to a female voter than a male voter.” –Fabrizio

Lori wheels her station wagon into a spot outside the Wal-Mart, a 20-minute drive from her home. She likes to go late at night, after Sam is asleep, for some solitude among the bargains. But on this Saturday morning she’s there by 11, filling her cart with four winter shirts for her son, four ladies’ shirts, baby wipes and formula, paper towels, a flea comb for her two cats, 136 diapers, and a box of graham crackers to occupy Sam, who’s strapped happily into the front of the cart. The total comes to $146.13. “I thought,” she says as she writes the check, “that it would be more.”

Lori worries little about inflation; instead, she shops for speed. She rarely clips coupons, except for baby formula, and stops at a small grocery on her way home from work rather than go out of her way to a larger and slightly cheaper supermarket. “You have to walk half a mile just to get some onions,” she says. “Time is so valuable to me now.”

She feels she’s losing ground by standing still. “I guess I’d say I’m lower middle class,” she says, even though when Mike is doing well with his windows, doors and siding business, their household income can hit about $60,000. “I didn’t feel that way four years ago before I had Sam, when I was making the same amount of money. I thought I was doing pretty damn good. Now it’s nothing to get excited about.” Lori keeps the household books. “I’m an incredible bill payer,” she says, “but a terrible saver.” Last week she called her mortgage officers to learn why her monthly house payment rose from $592 to $616, even though interest rates are falling; the answer was higher insurance fees and taxes. After that she socks away $150 every other month into a mutual fund, while trying to erase $14,000 in credit-card debt by next year. Bob Dole’s 15% tax cut would help, but she doubts it will ever happen. “That’s probably what I would say if I were running for President.”

She believes less in politicians than in personal enterprise, even though her experience has been mixed at best. She and Mike have tried a few “get-rich-quick schemes,” she says, selling a line of home products–water filters, shampoos, vitamins–to friends and relatives; signing up new customers for a long-distance telephone company; even investing $5,000 in a scheme to provide leasable race cars to weekend thrill seekers, which has so far produced only two takers. All these businesses have yielded more loss than profit.

Lori permits herself few luxuries, large or small. “It used to be important to slap on something feminine once in a while. But not anymore.” Once a month or so, the couple will drop $35 on dinner for three at the Red Lobster. “I stopped in the store to get meat for dinner one night this week, and I bought a pint of Swiss chocolate milk for myself. I saw it on the shelf, and it looked so good. I drank it in the car and it spoiled my appetite, but it was great. It was sinful.”

The drug ads? Those “are aimed right at her.” –Fabrizio

“V chips, computers in classrooms, school uniforms. They are all about giving her control of the lives of her children.” –Baer

Lori is sitting in the cafe at Schnucks Markets’ 24-hour Super Center, talking about what scares her. Like the national debt. “It’s in the trillions, right? I barely know how to write that number.” Then there’s Social Security, the issue that hits her each Friday when she does RPM’s payroll. “Every week it gets taken out of my paycheck, and will I ever get it back? Then I do the books, and I see it deducted from the payroll, and I think, Someone else is using my money.” Glancing across the restaurant to a pair of women in their 70s having coffee, she adds, “I wonder if there will be anything left for me. Sam certainly won’t see a penny.”

Lori has never been the victim of a crime; she doesn’t even know anyone who has. But she still thinks about it a lot. She has been downtown only twice this year, and locks her doors when she drives across the city limits. Having a child of her own has turned Lori into a law-and-order hard-liner who believes in capital punishment and thinks prisons coddle criminals. But on abortion, Lori belongs to the church of the second chance. “I’m upside down and tossed on this one. People I love have had them. I can see why it’s done for rape, incest and life endangerment of the woman. I’d never have one unless my life were in danger.” She ends up landing right at the heart of America’s silent consensus: she doesn’t want abortion outlawed, but she doesn’t want it easy. “Maybe the government should say that you can have one and only one abortion,” she says. “But if you screw up and want to have one again, that’s too bad.”

Lori doesn’t know whom she’s going to vote for, but she does know she has trouble even remembering that Bob Dole is in the race. “It’s like he’s not even there,” she says. “I have to force him to enter my mind.” She knows a little of his story, admires his gritty recovery from his war injury, but is worried that he might not live out his term. “I want someone more contemporary.”

Clinton’s missteps don’t much bother her–she doesn’t care about Whitewater or his affairs, doesn’t know who Dick Morris is–but the President’s manner does. “I hate that Clinton said he didn’t inhale.” She likes Hillary Clinton and isn’t keen on Newt Gingrich. “His name alone irritates me. I know that a newt is a lizard. We had them growing up. If you touch their tails, they break off as a defense mechanism, but then they grow back.” Not that she’s thrilled by her Congressman, Richard Gephardt, who would replace Gingrich as Speaker if the Democrats take over. “He’s been around an awfully long time, but nothing seems to be any different.”

Foreign policy doesn’t interest her; the office manager thinks the country should be run by a CEO. But she isn’t sold on Perot, and once again imagines the research she’d do. “I’d like to call one of his companies and speak to 10 of his employees and hear how they feel about him.”

“The fact is, you could watch the presidential campaign and not see anything touch on most peoples’ frustrations and concerns. Whatever politics or government means to them today, it’s a fraction of what it was 20 to 30 years ago. It’s less relevant, and they don’t think it matters very much.” –Pollster Bob Teeter

It’s evening now, everyone’s home, Sam’s cold is better, the lights are coming on up and down the street. Lori’s house is sheathed in olive-green steel siding; there’s a Japanese maple squatting like a sumo wrestler out front, and a sweet gum tree, and a big red oak in the back shading the gas grill and the lawn chairs. The house is a home–a sweet, messy testament to the compromises of parenthood; the curtains are lace, the couches paisley, the walls papered in cream with pink roses and wreaths of dried flowers, all soft edges and tones that fade behind the yelping primary colors of Playskool and Fisher-Price.

The TV is on, the movie of the week with Tori Spelling, but the sound is muted. Lori’s favorite show is ER; it’s paced at about the same rate as her life. Sam doesn’t watch much of anything other than Barney and auto racing. The clock ticks; the ceiling fan whumps. Mike has given Sam his bath; the baby arrives, damp and in mismatched pajamas, to snuggle. Lori says his hair smells like candy.

She is talking about government. “I guess I see it all as a bunch of red tape,” she says. “I think if I got food stamps or something I would be grateful.” She has to pause and think a long time to imagine anything government has done for her, any difference it has ever made in her life, anything politics or politicians could ever do for her. Then she gets it. “Maybe I’ll be able to get an SBA loan someday, start my own business.”

Sam cries when Lori slips outside to sit on the porch steps and have a cigarette and a glass of Tang. She won’t smoke in front of him, but this is what counts as her down time, and it’s a soft, cool, edge-of-autumn night full of wishing stars. The 1986 Ford Country Squire station wagon, gray-green with faux wood paneling, sits in the driveway. She bought it when she was pregnant. Some people build bookcases or drop $250 on a souped-up stroller. But this is the way a car girl nests. “I don’t care what I drive as long as it’s safe.”

When she was young and began falling in love with cars, she could tell the make and model in the dark, just by the headlights. She and her friends chased the cars around the neighborhood, played tag and kick the can. “Those were the days. Life was good and easy then,” she says. And she laughs to herself. “It’s still pretty good. It’s just not easy.”

On Being Mom

Sunday, May 13th, 2007

by Anna Quindlen, Newsweek Columnist and Author

If not for the photographs, I might have a hard time believing they ever existed. The pensive infant with the swipe of dark bangs and the black button eyes of a Raggedy Andy doll. The placid baby with the yellow ringlets and the high piping voice. The sturdy toddler with the lower lip that curled into an apostrophe above her chin.

All my babies are gone now. I say this not in sorrow but in disbelief.

I take great satisfaction in what I have today: three almost-adults, two taller than I am; one closing in fast. Three people who read the same books I do and have learned not to be afraid of disagreeing with me in their opinion of them, who sometimes tell vulgar jokes that make me laugh until I choke and cry, who need razor blades and shower gel and privacy, who want to keep their doors closed more than I like. Who, miraculously, go to the bathroom, zip up their jackets and move food from plate to mouth all by themselves. Like the trick soap I bought for the bathroom with a rubber ducky at its center, the baby is buried deep within each, barely discernible except through the unreliable haze of the past.

Everything in all the books I once pored over is finished for me now. Penelope Leach, T. Berry Brazelton, Dr. Spock. The ones on sibling rivalry and sleeping through the night and early-childhood education — all grown obsolete. Along with Goodnight Moon and Where the Wild Things Are, they are battered, spotted, well used. But I suspect that if you flipped the pages dust would rise like memories.

What those books taught me, finally, and what the women on the playground taught me, and the well-meaning relations –what they taught me, was that they couldn’t really teach me very much at all. Raising children is presented at first as a true-false test, then becomes multiple choice, until finally, far along, you realize that it is an endless essay. No one knows anything. One child responds well to positive reinforcement, another can be managed only with a stern voice and a timeout. One child is toilet trained at 3, his sibling at 2.

When my first child was born, parents were told to put baby to bed on his belly so that he would not choke on his own spit-up. By the time my last arrived, babies were put down on their backs because of research on sudden infant death syndrome. To a new parent this ever-shifting certainty is terrifying, and then soothing.

Eventually you must learn to trust yourself. Eventually the research will follow. I remember 15 years ago poring over one of Dr. Brazelton’s wonderful books on child development, in which he describes three different sorts of infants: average, quiet, and active. I was looking for a sub-quiet codicil for an 18-month old who did not walk.

Was there something wrong with his fat little legs? Was there something wrong with his tiny little mind? Was he developmentally delayed, physically challenged? Was I insane? Last year he went to China. Next year he goes to college. He can talk just fine. He can walk, too.

Every part of raising children is humbling, too. Believe me, mistakes were made. They have all been enshrined in the, “Remember-When-Mom-Did Hall of Fame.” The outbursts, the temper tantrums, the bad language, mine, not theirs. The times the baby fell off the bed. The times I arrived late for preschool pickup. The nightmare sleepover. The horrible summer camp. The day when the youngest came barreling out of the classroom with a 98 on her geography test, and I responded, What did you get wrong? (She insisted I include that.) The time I ordered food at the McDonald’s drive-through speaker and then drove away without picking it up from the window. (They all insisted I include that.) I did not allow them to watch the Simpsons for the first two seasons. What was I thinking?

But the biggest mistake I made is the one that most of us make while doing this. I did not live in the moment enough. This is particularly clear now that the moment is gone, captured only in photographs.

There is one picture of the three of them, sitting in the grass on a quilt in the shadow of the swing set on a summer day, ages 6, 4 and 1. And I wish I could remember what we ate, and what we talked about, and how they sounded, and how they looked when they slept that night. I wish I had not been in such a hurry to get on to the next thing: dinner, bath, book, bed.

I wish I had treasured the doing a little more, and the getting it done a little less. Even today I’m not sure what worked and what didn’t, what was me and what was simply life. When they were very small, I thought someday they would become who they were because of what I had done. Now I suspect they simply grew into their true selves because they demanded, in a thousand ways, that I back off and let them be.

The books said to be relaxed and I was often tense, matter-of-fact and I was sometimes over-the-top. And look at how it all turned out. I wound up with the three people I like best in the world, who have done more than anyone to excavate my essential humanity. That’s what the books never told me. I was bound and determined to learn from the experts.

It just took me a while to figure out who the experts were.

happy mother’s day

Saturday, May 12th, 2007

slow down! multitasking– NOT so good…

Monday, April 23rd, 2007
The Brain, Cognition, and Action Laboratory
Cognition and Perception Program
Department of Psychology
The University of MichiganMultitasking and Task Switching

In today's information-rich society, people frequently attempt to perform many tasks at once. This often requires them to juggle their limited resources in order to accomplish each of these tasks successfully. This juggling is not always easy, and in many cases can lead to greater inefficiency in performing each individual task. For example, using a cellular telephone while driving can lead to both poor communication and poor driving. In the brain, juggling multiple tasks ("Multitasking") is performed by mental executive processes that manage the individual tasks and determine how, when, and with what priorities they get performed. These executive processes act like a choreographer who orchestrates many individual dancers so that they can perform as a single unit, or an air-traffic controller who schedules many airplanes that take off and land on the same runway. If the individual dancers or airplanes are not scheduled appropriately, the results can be catastrophic.
Multitasking can be difficult when a person must perform two tasks simultaneously, but problems can also occur when a person switches from performing one task to performing another. Performing two or more tasks in rapid succession requires an individual to reorient to each new task, which itself takes time and other attentional resources. In our research, we have studied this aspect of multitasking using a task-switching paradigm. In our task-switching experiments, participants either perform a single task throughout a trial block, or alternate between two tasks during the trial block. By comparing completion times of single-task and dual-task blocks, we can measure the cost (in time) for the task-switching processes. By conducting these experiments, we have been able to understand how aspects of the individual tasks (such as task difficulty and task familiarity) can affect these task-switching cost>